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Tuesday, June 14, 2011

dating blues

It is a fact of life. Sometimes you have just days. I'm hoping that i'm at the end of my bad date moments. In the past few months, I've had some seriously funny dating experiences. okay. some of them just weren't that funny. however, i'm trying to be open minded. Honestly, i should be. A few weeks ago, I hung out with a guy that would make your mouth water. He was tall, dark chocolate. did i mention dark chocolate? body like, oh my god. voice. a voice that could make the heaven's sing. Intelligent. funny. swagger. i'm like, alrighty then. I'm in. . He's in town for an event. So i visit him at his hotel room. He offers me a drink. i decline. i'm driving I say. We watch some event on TV. I'm not really paying attention. I'm drinking him all in. We talk. He's smiling and laughing. good signs i'm thinking. he wants me to curl up next to him. who the hell am i to argue? we cuddle. we kiss, we make out. i'm like all systems a go. Then it happens, or rather nothing happens. I mean IT doesn't work. I am like, huh? are you kidding me? please dear lord, don't do this to me. NOT NOW. I do what any self-respecting women in that situation would do. I tell him its okay, we can cuddle. I'm pissed. I mean, i'm feeling absolutely duped at this point. What kind of bait and switch is this??? Uh naw. I want my money back. Wait, I didn't pay any money. Yes I did. I put gas in my car. I drove over here. That was money. This man is going to give me my money back. He must have read my mind because he decides that he'll 'make' up to me. He goes down there. He might not have wanted to do that. Someone help me. I haven't been that disappointed since I was 6 year old and found out the Easter Bunny wasn't real. There was no absolutely reason for any of what happen to occur. We chatted for a bit. He fell asleep. I decided then and there that there was absolutely NO reason for me to stay. I got up, got dressed and left. I did kiss him on the forehead and said have a safe trip home. he mumbled something incoherent and flopped his head about on the pillow. I walked to the elevator thinking, okay, really, where's the camera, cause this had to be a bad joke. Then i look at my phone. i have a text message from another tall chocolate brotha asking me to come to his place. He also text directions. I have to drive past his house to get home. I never went. I was so disgusted by the first chocolate man, I drove straight home and pulled the covers over my head.

i'm not going out on another date, at least until another 6'3 chocolate brother calls me up. 

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Leave her ass alone

Dear Nephews,
I have decided that with the new year, i would give you guys some advice on women. Since you guys range in age from 25 to in uterus, i decided to make sure i cover all my bases. While i'm sure you are all thinking, has she been drinking again..., i have not, (well, not until after i finish writing this) but i do want you guys to know that I only want the best for you. i want you guys to be in happy, positive, fulfilling relationship (with women, but if you don't like women, the same advise will probably apply to men also). With so much crap going on between men and women these days, i want you guys to be able to determine who is worth and who is worthless.

1.You are not CAPTAIN SAVE A HOE
Guess what, you aren't Superman, Batman or The Green Hornet either. Don't RESCUE any woman until she's in imminent danger. This does NOT include her getting evicted from her home (she needs to get her finances straight-without your money), her babydaddy/ex/ex-husband is beating her ass, she lost her job and has to move in with her mother/family members, her car broke down, her baby need paper and milk or any other EXCUSE you brings to you. Say, oh wow, sorry to hear that. I can't help you but I will pray for you.

Leave her ass where you found her.

2. She has more than 2 kids by 2 different men before she is 21.
She can't listen or learn. This chick doesn't think fat meat is greasy. Unless she is a victim of rape or incest, she  WILLINGLY had sex with guy(s) who were using her as a bouncing ball. Yes, i know, I'm being mean, but guess what...

Children are a blessing, so is common sense
and she's not using hers.

There is NO REASON in this day and age ANYONE should get pregnant by 'accident'. She is not Jamie Lyn Spears. She is probably NOT independently wealthy, and is living with family and/or her income is being supplemented by the Federal and State Governments. If, (and that's a big IF) she's getting child support, its probably not enough and that whole situation is something you should avoid like the plague.

again, refer to Statement #1

Leave her ass where you found her

3. You cannot turn a HOE into a HOUSEWIFE
I'm sure there are some very nice strippers in that club. Yea, okay. There are also very nice women who work at Macy's, Go to Virginia Tech and work for the post office. Guess what, they aren't shaking their asses in front of some guys face on the chance that he's going to give them $$ to look up her vagina.
Yes, the recession hit everyone hard, but guess what. Not that damn hard. If she thinks that's the only way she can make money 'legitimately', keep moving.

Leave her ass where you found her

4. If she thinks all men are untrustworthy, cheaters and liars, she's damaged goods.
If you meet a woman and she tells you that her ex and ALL her other exs mistreated and abused her, then tell her to get some therapy and take your ass home. She needs to be alone and figure out why SHE keeps attracting losers. If you just HAVE to date this mental case, I can tell you now what's going to happen. She's going to call you all the time, accuse you of being 'just like all the other guys', start timing you on how long it will take you to go from her house to yours, will lose her mind if you don't give her all your passwords to facebook, twitter, myspace, your work and personal emails and pass codes to your voice mail.

 (if you give this nut ANY of your passwords, i will personally kick your ass)

She had self-esteem, jealousy and many other issues that you are not professionally trained to deal with. I dont care if she says because you guys are 'dating' or 'together' she should have the pass codes. And if she tries that, "everyone does it' speech, tell her to call me. I can assure you, you won't be in a 'relationship' with her after i'm finished...

Leave her ass where you found her

5. She had kids (more than 1) and expects if you date her, you have to do for her kids too.
again, refer to Rule #1 and #2. 
If you date a woman with children, you are NOT obligated to do anything for her children. They have a father, its not you. I don't care if their father is in jail, dead or a deadbeat, those children are NOT your responsibility. PERIOD. Do not pay for babysitters if you go out on dates (her kids-her responsibility) if she can't afford a babysitter, then she' can't come out and play. When you decide to have children, guess what you are now a 'grown-up', whether you are 16 or 36. Any women who tells you that she doesn't have a babysitter and has to bring the kids on the date isn't someone you need to be dating. If she tells you that YOU have to pay for a babysitter if you want to date her, guess what, there are PLENTY of childless women out there, you wont be alone for long. If she expects you to buy her children birthday and Christmas presents...,

Leave her ass where you found her. 

6. She is drama filled from the day you meet her.
There's drama and then there's "the police have been called drama" If she's ever been arrested for domestic violence, can't go into certain areas because she has 'beef' with some chicks there, had to move from one area of the country to another because of 'problems', etc. Leave her ass alone. If your car is keyed up when you are at her place, if some guy calls your phone telling you to leave his 'woman' alone, if she tells you she's 'separated' but never filed any papers and still lives with her husband or with her mother, she is going to get your ass killed, attacked or arrested. If you were dating a friend of her's and now dating her, (you are triflin-but that's another posting) I'm telling you right now, i don't have bail money for all of you guys, someone is going to be left out...

Leave her ass where you found her

7. She tells you she's about her plans for the future but you don't see any results
She is either telling you what she thinks you want to hear to keep you interested, she's lazy as hell or she's having mental heath issues. None of which are in your best interest. If any women tells you if you do something then she's do something to better herself, she's got fuckin issues. Don't get duped by some woman who says she's get her driver's license if you guys move in together. If she won't get it for herself, she damn sure won't get it for you. You should want to be with someone who has her own goals, dreams and aspirations, if she isn't striving to better herself, with or without you, why are you with her...?

Again, Leave her ass where you found her. 

I don't want you guys to think that I am being harsh and judgmental on women (yea, i am) but i want YOU to be with women who are bring something to the table more than her ass and a couple of kids. You can destroy your credit, mental heath and your car on your own. You do not need a woman to do that for you.

I love you all

Aunt Jinks

Sunday, January 2, 2011

FUCK 2010

Yep, I said it. Fuck 2010.
Thank god its over. towards the end there, i was like, oh this is some damn bullshit. let's review shall we.

boyfriend couldn't see me on NYE 2010 because he had to work. oh, but he could drive to his uncle's house and hang with family. and bought tickets to a football game for his christmas present. again, "work" issues. spent my damn $100+ on a team i didn't even like. WTF

My job. oh let's not even go there.

my friends. nothing like your friends suggesting you can't pick em.

boyfriend calls with news that will make me say WTF about 10 times in 8 minutes and then dump him.

booty-call guy falls asleep during sex

find out my job didn't withhold enough taxes, so now state and feds are hunting me down like a runaway slave.

student loan people think i can pay them $1900 per month. at this rate, my great-great nieces and nephews will be paying my student loans off.

between my relatives, friends and acquaintances, 14 women around me having given birth or are currently pregnant since December 2009. i have spend more money buying baby stuff and going to showers than i care to admit.

my GYN ask me when i'm going to have a baby.

my dating life reminds me of bad episodes of Seinfeld.

i switched gyms and stopped going. WTF. when i was going almost daily, i actually lost inches (and a few pounds).

i have writer's block BADLY

every other damn celebrities's either having a baby, getting married or getting divorced. and they want me to fucking care. (okay, i care about Sandra Bullock. This was just some triflin shit Jesse James did. I would have had to divorce his ass too behind those shanks he was sleeping with. There's public humiliation and then there's OH FUCK NO humiliation)

teena marie died. now i'm feeling old as hell and nostalgic for my lost youth

i did not get to Vegas. or Hedo or even the mountain. my trip to Atlantic City WILL NOT be discussed EVER. That's a "do-over" situation.

i spend NYE 2009 and NYE 2010 on the same spot on the couch.

FUCK 2010  

Friday, October 1, 2010

Accepting reality

I was going to write about something else when i read this article.

Now, when i first read the article i thought to myself, this is crazy. When I read the comments, i thought to myself, " sometimes i doesnt pay to read the comments to a news story".

these are the actually comment from one of the dead robbers "cuz"


If me and a couple of friends decide to rob a store and our 'victims' just happen to have guns and shoot us, is there really anything my family can say to overlook the fact that i was killed attempting to commit a felony? It would appear that the "1st cuz" of one of the shooters took offense with the posters and stated that the gunman didn't have to kill them, he could have 'wounded' them. Um, let me see, some strange men are trying to rob your store and are beating up your coworker. Do you really think that they are not capable of KILLING either one of you? Um... naw, according to the logic of the 1st cuz. Those store employees would have more than likely been killed. Period. Cuz can pretend until the cows come home, but the odds were against the employees.

According to the "cuz'  children are left without fathers. Considering their prior criminal history, they've been without real fathers for some time.

My response to the cousin is this: Its a shame your cousin died. What is really a shame is that you fail to comprehend the fact that your cousin was the cause of his own death. While it may be difficult for you to comprehend, your cousin and his 'friends' were were not nice people. There are the reason many companies do not have stores in low-income neighborhoods. Your cousin and his boys are the reason jobs have left many inner cities. Your cousin is the reason why black and hispanic men/boys account for a larger percentage in prison that the general population. his death should be a wake up call to you and your family. The call should be this. Get your act together. Stop blaming and projecting your failures, disappointment and lack of ambition on the people of the state of North Carolina and particularly the people of Charlotte. For those of you who dropped out of school, get an education. for those of you who are unemployed, try getting a job at McDonalds. Get some therapy, Get some counseling. Stop wallowing in the mindless ambition that living the 'street life' is somehow more glamorous than actually working a honest day. The decisions, good, bad and ugly brought you cousin and his friends to decide that robbing the pizza hut was easier than working there. Until and unless you, your cousin's family, his friends families and those around you understand and accept the fact that YOU are responsible for your own actions, your cousin will not be the first death.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Time will tell

I am a gossip junkie. i have my favorite sites where i read, laugh and generally shake my head at the total and utter self-destruction celebrities and 'faux' celebrites create for themselves. Then i always ask myself, its this really important in the scheme of things? are they finding a cure for cancer? are they saving the planet? okay, so.. why am i reading this? truth be told, i read this stuff for several reasons.

first, why is it that those who truly have everything, money, fame and looks, can be absolutely so self-destructive? i mean really, your job is to stand in front of a camera and pretend to be anything you are told to be. how hard is that? are you really paying to eat at that restuarant? i hardly doubt it? they are comping your meal so you are photographed coming out so others will want to come in. That dress you are wearing? free. why? because the designer who wears it gave it to you for free with the hope that someone who sees you in in will want one and they will pay for the priviledge. wow. what are hard life.

second. is it really that difficult for people to tell you no? I mean, wearing Uggs in the middle of the summer with shorts. that's so not a fashion statement. your stylist should be shot for letting you walk out the house like that. why in the world do you think that dress is NOT that short? we can see what your gyn sees when you are on the table. that's so not cute especially at your age. put some damn panties on.

third. hollywood can't be that small where everyone has to sleep with everyones husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend. really. expand your horizons. find a nice businessman in nyc or san francisco, texas, miami, boston, atlanta. move out of the LA/HOLLYWOOD area. come to town only when you are filming/promoting a project. otherwise, live a REGULAR life.

fourth. stop thinking recreational drugs are the not the cause of your problems. drugs kill. period. you are deluding yourself if you really think no one knows you like to do blow. or meth. or heroin. we know. Ms. Johnson in El Paso, Tx knows what a crackhead looks like. Middle American isn't stupid. we saw you on Letterman/Leno/Oprah/Entertainment Tonight. your fan base shrinks everytime something goes into your nose or your veins. And yes, we all think its a damn shame you are wasting your talents but we also realize until YOU realize you are wasting your talents, your legal guardian, your business manager, your professional manager, your parasitic boyfriend/husband/significant other, your hangers on and your starry eyed family members will continue to drain you bone dry.

Now, like everyone, i love a good redemption story. Unfortunately, there's not many right nowon my regular gossip sites. i'm guessing now i may have to move back to playing spider solitarie for my fix.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

father's day

today is father's day. i texted all the dads i know and wished them a happy father's day. Then it got me thinking. how many of them are 'traditional' dads? how many are baby's daddies, how many just straight up should haven't been sleeping with that idiot? how many 'adopted' kids because they felt the kids need a father in their lives (and the biological one was unknown, in jail, dead, married and not acknowledging the kid, etc) so i thought about what i would tell these children about the men who were and weren't in their lives

1. I know you love your mother, but with certain exceptions, dont believe everything she's saying about your father. he wasn't always a liar, thief, and cheat. and if he was, why was she sleeping with him unprotected?

2. Sometimes women want another woman's man. Its life, now while your dad was triflin to cheat on his wife/girlfriend/significant other with your mother, your mom wasn't all innocent. she knew what was up. It is much easier to say your father lied (and he might have to a point) but its much easier to say she was duped than to admit she thought she could 'take' your father away from who he was with.

3. Don't necessarily believe that your father never wanted to have anything to do with you from the time he found out about you. Many times the problem lies at your mother's feet. If she was a teen-ager, she wasn't mature enough to separate the fact that she was either a) a booty call b) your father didn't take the relationship as serious as she did c) he was just as young and stupid as your mother and was scared.
Many teenage girls who get pregant have no clue about how they have just changed their future. They look to their friends and family (who while saying they have the best intentions, are bring their own garbage and drama to the table) tell them all sorts of bs (most of which isn't true) and create conditions that didnt allow your parents to be what they were suppose to be, co-parents to you.

4. If your mother were one of those women who heard her biological clock ticking and just had to have a baby, if she didn't go to a sperm bank, she 'planned' with some guy to do 'sperm bank cheap' and have you. problem was, she didn't realize 1)babies are expensive and 2) children really do need their fathers. What she didn't tell you and will never admit to telling you is that she told him that she wouldnt ask for child support if he made a 'donation'. once he made the dontation and she realized she was over her head financially, she 'forgot' the terms of the agreement and now wants him to pay. If someone reniged on a contract you had, wouldn't you be mad too? especially when you were doing HER a favor?

5. Sometimes some women believe what they see on TV. They think marriage and/or relationships are easy. a man should somehow read her mind, woo her, wine her, dine her be the perfect mate. Your mother watched too much TV and believed too much of the BS her family and girlfriends told her. Your mother is no saint and if you ask your father, in the relationship, she wasn't either. she was petty, cruel, rude and basically not a nice person. When he wanted out, she used you to get back at him. When it didn't work, she took you and left, like a spoiled child leaving the playground with his ball.

6. Your mother used/uses the court system to punish your dad. She's make allegations that would make your skin crawl. what? because it was never about you. She's convienced herself that your dad did these things because she's punishing him for not being with her. Even if she's remaried/involved with someone else. she's using the court system to stalk him and If you stopped believing your mother walked on water and did a bit of investigating, you may found out that your anger and resentment towards your father should be focused elsewhere.

7. Yes your father cheated on your mother. And? that's their business, unless she told you, you didn't need to know. just because he cheated on her, never, ever meant he didn't love you and didn't want to be in your life.

8. Not every relationship is going to last until death. your parents had different ideas about what kind of relationship they had. He may have married her because she was pregnant and she threatened to have an abortion. He may have married her because you were born and he didn't want his child to not know his father. Don't judge a man when he realizes that his relationship with your mother has reached its end. Its much worse if he uses you as an excuse to not leave.

Understand this, your father can parent you from outer space. he doesnt have to live with you to be a part of your life. Whatever the circumstances of your birth, your father loves you. From Iraq to Afganistan to Tibet to Cleveland, Ohio, you are never far from his thoughts. He would move mountains and seas and in some cases, die for you. You dont have to like the relationship of your parents, however, understand that its not your relationship with your parents. Take this day to think about what your dad does and doesnt mean to you.

Monday, May 24, 2010


I keep telling myself that i shouldn't watch the news. or read the news online. or stand next to someone reading the news on their phone. unfortunately, its the nature of the business i'm in. i have to 'know' what is going on. the problem is, for the most part. i have no desire to even raise my head off the pillow. i have read so much just flat out bullshit in the past 30 days, i really thought i would throw my laptop out the window. The final slide was reading how al sharpton was going to detroit to euligize a 7 yr old girl who was killed during a police raid. Now, not 10 days before, a police officer was killed and 4 other wounded when they answered a call about someone possibly breaking into a home. Where was good ole' al then? it didn't even register on his 'alert meter'. This officer left behind a wife and 10 year old son. The reason for the ill-fated raid? A 17 yr old boy was shot on a street by a 30something who decided that the boy had 'looked' at him funny. The raid was to capture the suspect. The police did. he was upstair of the duplex, the little girl was shot in the downstair apartment. Oh, and after it was all said and done, her father hired a high-powered Geoffrey Fieger (who doesnt know a camera or court he doesnt like) to 'represent him' and find the truth. The only thing Mr. Fieger is going to find is 40% attorney's fees. Truth is relative. I'm still waiting for someone to explain the two stolen cars in the backyard that had been, by all accounts, there for some time. But of course, Mr. Feiger's clients had absolutely nothing to do with that. They walked in and out and all about the house and had no idea the cars in the backyard were stolen or better yet, a suspected murdered lived above them.

Lest I not forget Kwame Kilpatrick. The hip-hop mayor. who could fuck everyone but his wife. this guy traveled to a MLK day speech paid for by a North Carolina city to speak on King's legacy and this clown brought some woman (not his wife or his chief of staff mistress) to the event. That wouldn't have been so bad if the sponsors weren't told they were paying for her too. and that included the 'couples massage' at the resort that he tried to have the sponsors pay. oh yea, and she signed her name "carol slowski"

tomorrow kwame is looking at a possible prison sentence for probation violation. this clown only has to pay the city $1 million dollars in restitution. he's making $120 thousand as a computer salesman for a company owned by one of his supporters. and living in a mansion and his wife had a $15 thousand dollar tummy tuck, driving Escalades, buying $600 shoes. According to his attorney, he 'has' to live this lifestyle in order to convinence potential customers that he's 'on their level'.  His attorney must think i'm an idiot. really. This guy fucked around on his wife so much, i'm several states away and I knew his business (through friends and family living in detroit) It was an open secret that he was sleeping with women other than his wife, no one knew he was also sleeping with his chief of staff. now that was a suprise. mostly because she makes creulla devilla look like a vestal virgin. This is the same woman who, when pulled over by 2 detroit police officers screamed "do you know who the fuck i am? they didn't. she called the police chief on the phone and basically thought she would castrate them for doing their job. which didn't including pulling her over on her way to her mayoral booty call. fate gave the officers an upper hand. they sued the city and won $25,000.

now when the mayor and his ex-mistress start talking about how they want to 'live' and she can't find a job and support her 2 daughters, i think to myself. when you knuckleheads were jumping around hotel rooms and sexing on the city dime, you didn't give a damn about your kids or you spouses. or the city. the text messages make it quite clear, christine was a love-sick, neauseating, jumpoff who couldn't read between the lines that her position wasn't going to change. kwame who isn't the most attractive man in the world, must has abilities i dont know about, cause there is no way he'd be touching me, but i digress. what makes me sad is seeing whole neighborhoods just collapsing. a block now consist of 5 families, if that many, living on a street. teachers having to open accounts at kinkos because the school won't allow them to use the copy machine and everyone is blaming them for their child not being able to read.

i see the arrogance of those who honestly believe and uphold the greed is good, as long as you can't see me, which of course we can. many who probably would be good politicians just dont have the stomach for the job or people just wont vote them in because that's too much like right. who wants to hear that no, we aren't going to spend $5,000 dollars on mailing to say we are here for you. No, we aren't going to spend $12,000 on a trip to Portland, ME to see how to improve our communciation skills within our office staff.

i want to read the news again and not have to honestly re-read every other paragraph and say, WTF, WTF. can they really think i'm that damn stupid?