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Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Monogamy, Tiger Woods and Cheating

The new year is upon us and i'm still trying to figure out if its all about the new year or the new 'decade'.
To be sure, this new decade has been full of up and down, great times and excruciatingly bad moments, but i'm still here. Now, i do know some who aren't so perhaps at midnite, i will pour out a little johnny walker black label in their honor.

Since Tiger has been just oozing out of every gossip rag in the world, here's my 2 cents. He's a idiot. a spoiled, selfish, immature, rich, entitled, YOUNG, idiot. Sure, you are worth a billion dollars for hitting a ball into a hole. great. good for you. but you have the common sense of a turnip. If you are going to cheat on your wife (not suggesting that anyone does) you damn sure don't call your girlfriend and SAY your name and tell her your wife is probably going to call her. Every man in the world should line up to kick his ass. Just for 1. being stupid 2. Now their wives/girlfriends/significant others are going to be WAAAY too tempted to check theirs.

Now, money is and always will be a powerful draw. If Tiger were Tiger Woods, Bus Driver, Accountant or Carpenter, I'm willing to bet money NONE of the chicks who have slept with him would have given him a first chance, let alone second (and they any say otherwise, they are not just a hoe, they are lying hoes)

Money and Power for some men, define respect. In Tiger's case, i just don't believe he cared enough about his marriage and his family to make the conscious decision that they weren't risk losing. Now, if we take that a bit further, look at who is his 'peers'. Michael Jordan? his wife recieved one of the largest divorce settlements in the U.S. (est $150 million), Charles Barkley? this guy gets a DUI trying to get to the apt of some chick who he claims gave him the best head he's ever gotten. Oh yea, his wife is really proud to know her skills are so appreciated by her husband. The only advise these two can give to Tiger is to make sure you have a great pre-nup and get escorts.

In the vein of full disclosure, I've been cheated on and i've cheated on people i have dated. Have i ever cheated with a married man?, unfortunately yes. Now, to my credit, i didn't know a couple of times that the guy was married. One guy had everything covered. I mean everything. I have so many ways to contact him, it was absolutely unreal. I had even visited him at work (a restricted government building). When I did find out he was married, my first thought was HUH???. Needless to say, the relationship ended badly, very badly. To this day, I will get the occasionally "hey how are you doing?" IM. Yes, i ignore it.
In situations where i did 'engaged' with married men, for the most part, I have no idea how his wife didn't know. He spent more time at my place than i did. His accessibility scared me.  The final straw for me was when he talked about how he could see having a future with me. I thought to myself. You absolutely are stupid. Was i using him for sex? Um, yea. did i want him to leave his wife. Um NO. Was this a very, very short term, ego gratification, self-delusioned act on my part? Absolutely. Any woman who tells you that she dates/sleeps with married men and there are no repercussions is fooling herself. For any time you spend with a married man, its time you are not spending on yourself. You are living in a fantasy land.  I had a godmother who once told me that whatever i did, don't become involved with a married man. Interesting advice considering she spent 30 years with a married man. I was in my 20's before he was married to someone else. They only separated when she finally gave him an ultimatum to divorce his wife and marry her. He refused. They separated. He moved back in with wife. His wife died 6 months later. My godmother told me she finally took stock of her life and realized she wasted 30 years with a man who was never really hers.

I am not saying monogamy is a mandatory. I know of some people who have a wonderful marriage and are swingers. I know some people who have been married several times and each marriage ended with one of both spouses cheating. I've taken away this thought on monogamy. You are only as monogamous as your options (thank you Chris Rock)

Do i think Tiger Woods had options? absolutely. options to cheat. Instead of going to a club or event and making sure he turned down women, he chose to bed them. Here in lies the issue. He CHOSE to sleep with women other than his wife. Does it make him a bad person, not necessarily, however, when you are sleeping with 14+ women and having unprotected sex with them and you wife. You are safely considered an asshole and a dangerous one at that.  Are their male celebrities who are not cheating on their wives? sure, guess what, we don't really care about them. Are their women who make it their profession to bed and wed a celebrity? absolutely Marla Maples anyone? Tiger's mistress #1 might want to give her a call and ask her how her situation turned out.

There are animals who mate for life. Who says human beings can't? What about those loving stories of older couples who die within minutes of each other? Philosophers have debated for centuries whether man can be faithful to one partner. I think the real question is at what point can an individual be required to be monogamous?

Tiger made his bed, now he had to lie in it (no pun intended) perhaps the lessons learned from this are whether or not monogamy or cheating will ever be acceptable and what defines a marriage and/or relationship will ever go away?